Socrates I’m sure is turning in his grave over the semantic comprehension of today’s world… Not that it was all too different from his own.  But this particular philosopher was stringent in his application of semantics and prominent in its promotion.  During one of his discussions a group of sophists purportedly said to him, “Oh but Socrates you are such a bore, you always say the same about the same”, to which Socrates appropriately retorted, “Oh but you sophists who believe you are so clever, perhaps never say the same about the same.”  What he was pointing out was the fact that he always made a point of being precise in his conveyance of words while the sophists and most people in general suffered from much confusion due to misinterpretations of words, concepts and ideas based on their ever-changing connotations and differing definitions between different groups.

In a world of over 7 billion people, I think it’s about time we brought back a little semantic wisdom to the table.  Because clear and concise communication is a skill that will prove very beneficial and prudent in today’s world, in fact in every era of human existence.

So let’s start at the beginning by asking, what exactly is semantics?

Semantics, simply put, is the study of meaning.  So right there, the importance of this topic becomes apparent.  Is there anyone out there that feels it’s not important for them to understand what something means?  Or what someone’s trying to say or communicate?  Or how to communicate to others so that you know you are understood?…  I highly doubt it!  Semantics is delving into our personal way of giving meaning to words and symbols.  It’s about our nature to conjure up meaning out of not just our modalities of communication, but every experience we have.

So a dive into the semantic abyss, we leap – on the other side we’ll emerge more adept at understanding others, understanding ourselves and being understood.

First, I’ll point out there are many forms, branches and sub-branches of semantics but most of it is centred around our only method of conveying meaning – communication; or more prominently, linguistics. Which studies the meaning of words and how we ascribe meaning to them; the connotations we attach to them as mentioned above.  So getting down to the brass tax, so to speak, a big and obvious challenge we face as a local, regional, national or global species is our ability to EFFECTIVELY communicate with one another on any level conceivable to do so.  We all want to be understood – so we all need to learn to understand each other, regardless of any difference imaginable.

So where do we start?

Before we can get anywhere at all, it is paramount that you nurture as much patience as possible.  You can’t possibly develop the skill of decoding what others really mean from what they say if you don’t have the patience to listen and observe intently.  Nor will you be able to develop the skill of being understood by others if you haven’t the patience to understand them and communicate accordingly.  Semantics may be the study of meaning but utilizing and even mastering it requires a sense for the people you’re communicating with. So PATIENCE, Patience, patience…

Now that we’re patiently observant of others, let’s take a moment to find understanding in them.  The best way to understand someone is to empathize – that is, to see things through their eyes and in that way come to feel what they’re feeling.  First, you need to let go of what you believe and what you know and what you think is right or wrong.  Second, you need to stop any judgements you might be feeling about the other person.  Third, you need to do the step we started with – listen and observe intently.  If you sincerely accomplish all three steps (in that order) in your mind, and heart – you’ll begin to sense something foreign to you…  Something that fills you with all kinds of thoughts and feelings that are unknown to you…  You will begin to feel what the other person actually feels – them, not you.  Why?  Because when you sincerely stop your perceptions and dive into theirs, your mind begins to mould to whatever stimuli you give it .  After some time listening, your mind begins to follow along, begins to associate…  And next thing you know – you know what it feels like to be them.  Now, when you know how someone feels, and have a stronger sense of how they look at things, not only can you be of greater assistance to them but your ability to convey your true self or your needs to them is vaulted exponentially.

So with that token, I hope you can begin to understand the gravity and power of understanding and building the skill of being empathically inclined.

Now, let’s take a closer look at being understood.  Of course, starting with the first step of associating with the person you want to communicate with, we then want to structure our pattern of words, tone of voice and body language in such a way so as to come across in their mannerisms, speech patterns and body language, subtly, but as much as possible, without of course mocking them.  When you talk the way someone else talks, move the way someone else moves, they perceive the connotations more clearly because it’s their personal nuance of communication.  Of course knowing what you’re doing in that regard only comes from patiently and intently observing the character and demeanour of the other person. This in some circles is referred to as ‘mirroring’, and it comes with practice – and patience is a key ingredient to mastering it.

Once we’ve established the foundations – laid the ground work for social reciprocity though empathic intelligence – we can dig deeper into designing connotations into our communication strategy and building body language skills.  So how do we do that?

When we say a word there are two general meanings usually attached to it. There’s the denotation, which is the literal definition you would find in the dictionary. Then there’s the connotative meaning of that word. Connotations are the feelings and associations we attach to words we hear, so here the meaning is personal and unique. There can be groups of people who have similar connotations to the same word, but ultimately the meaning is subjective. For example, if I were to say, “God”, the immediate connotation will vary depending on whether or not you’re religious and furthermore what religious background you come from, if you are. So automatically, our communication here is skewed if we don’t take the time to verify we are both on the same page with how we perceive the meaning of that word. Basically, connotations can be either positive, negative or neutral. The word either had a positive feeling you associated with it, a negative one or nothing in particular came up.

Designing connotations can be a little tricky and definitely takes some thought put into it.  Although, with practice it can become second nature.  So how does it work?  Well, it’s not like it’s something we don’t do already, in fact we do things like this all the time.  The only difference here is we would be more conscious of what we choose to do and how we portray ourselves in order to get our point across.  It’s all about conveying concepts through metaphor, analogy, personification and controlling tone and punctuation of speech.  With these we can paint a mental picture through ascribing attributes we want to convey to something, making comparisons between things and/or relating human attributes to concepts we want to convey. Euphemisms are a great way also to make positive connotations on words that might otherwise be found offensive.

So to put this into practice, let’s look at the following example:

Say you want to borrow money from someone. First things first, you need to figure out the type of person you’re talking to in order to decide how to approach the question. Now in some cases, you could just say, “can I borrow some money?”. If the type you’re talking to is a straight to the point, blunt person you could expect to potentially have a positive response. But in any case, if you want to be more effective you could try something a little more expressive such as, “I’m in dire need of some bankroll or dough” (for those who typically use slang), “capital or funds” (for those who are business or financially inclined) or “legal tender” (for those who are highly literary or brainy). “I’m just drowning in debt like a” (insert metaphor that reflects the personality of the person you’re asking) “and you’d really help me” (insert personal reasons framed in a way that the other person is responsive to).

Now that second option, if catered to the individual in the places I outlined, will most definitely receive a much better chance at a positive response. Simply because you took the time to illustrate your situation in a way that really speaks to the person in question.

Body language skills on the other hand are all about gestures, poise and mirroring or mimicry. Gestures are things like shrugs, motions of the head (nodding, swaying, tilting), hand gestures, and the like.  In mirroring we adapt our body language to match the other individual as mentioned above. Or with animated body language we are making imitations of things we want to convey and using our body language to display it.  This can be done through gestures, acting out and making sounds.  This is also where we create our personal presence – the aura, feeling or vibe you give off.  This is all done of course in conjunction with our speech at the time.

Poise at its finest…

Author’s note – I thought I should explain the above picture so that you get the most out of this post:
The picture is about the woman – the poise is hers… She stands firm between a lion and a lamb. Her poise is seducing both animals to the point the lion has no interest in the lamb, and the lamb no fear of the lion. Both completely enamoured with her… That is the epitome of poise.

Body language is scientifically reported to be about 80% of all our communication, so getting this right is important. How you walk, how you stand, how you move your body when speaking – all of these are important to understand and work on mastering. First and foremost, your poise, your presence is the first thing people will notice about you. Stand up straight, for instance, and people will automatically take you a little more seriously. Look people in the eyes when you speak and they’ll automatically engage in listening more intently. Use your hands in subtle gestures while speaking and people will automatically construct deeper meaning to what you say. Take for example the way presidents, prime ministers or politicians speak. Watch them and their gestures more closely next time you see them speak.

In learning to connect with people more directly and becoming aware of the way we carry ourselves, we will add to our arsenal in life, the masterful ability to communicate and convey our truest selves while also being able to understand others in the deepest sense. This undoubtedly will propel not only your capabilities in what you can achieve in life but also pave the way for society as a whole to find its true nature by being well connected with all its constituents.